The Fillet Skillet: Dreams

Do They Eat Fish Fingers in Manila?

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 02:44:53 GMT

I had a dream last night that I was woken up at one in the morning by my mobile phone. On the other end was a man from the United Nations who said he had a very important question for me: do they eat fish fingers in Manila?

I thought for a minute and told him yes, they probably do, because everyone eats fish fingers. He told me that I must be absolutely sure because it was vitally important that they know for matters of international security. So I reconsidered and told him that because the Philippines produce a lot of fresh fish, that the regular people who live there probably wouldn't eat processed fish if fresh fish was cheaper and easier to get a hold of.

I still didn't know how this man got my number, or why he thought I was such an authority on the subject of Filipino fish fingers, but the U.N. representative was pleased with my answer and told me I had been of great use to the international community. I thought it was strange that he would call me at 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning when he obviously had an Australian accent, though I figured he was an expatriate living in England who had forgotten the time difference.

But I didn't have a lot of time to dwell on these things, because the dogs (more than one?!?) had gotten out and there was a pair of goannas mating on the front doorstep. I hung up to chase the dogs and shoo the goannas away so I could close the door to keep the dogs inside.

The goannas were not impressed.

Drew

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 05:29:41 GMT

I had a dream last night that Drew of Toothpaste for Dinner fame was for some reason touring the highschools in Australia and that I was still in highschool. I also dreamed that he was staying at my house for no particular reason. I don't think he was actually living there, I think he was just there for lunch or something.

The interesting thing about my 'house' though, was that it was actually just the study/cyclone shelter from the house that I grew up in in Darwin. There were no other rooms in my house.

So I was there with some friends and Drew and we were all hanging out together, and I thought I was acting really cool because I wasn't nervous about having the guy whose comics I really like in my house. Drew was being really nice and kind of funny. According to the dream all sorts of American entertainers were hitting the Aussie highschool circuit. I don't know, perhaps they decided we were worth visiting.

But yeah, before Drew came to talk at my school, a black version of Ray Romano came to talk - or was it Eddie Murphy? Either way, I didn't think he was very funny, and I told Drew so but Drew liked Black Ray/Eddie.

Then we ate sandwiches.

The end.

Mormon Woolies Dreams And Et Cetera

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 13:28:07 GMT

I had promised myself that I wouldn't blog about Woolies anymore, mostly for "ethical" reasons. That is, if a future employer was to Google my name, this site is the first thing to come up. If they then go into my blog to see what I've had to say about my previous employers then they are likely not to employ me if it is negative. And it is likely to be negative because the only time I blog about it is when I've had a bad day. All those other days that I've happily skipped off to work and the day has passed without incident I don't tell you guys about it. Mostly because it is boring.

But here it is. I've allowed myself this one because it is only a dream and IN NO WAY TRUE OR FACTUAL EXCEPT IN MY SLEEPING STATE. And you can't sue me for what I dream so neah.

In my dream I was at work except it was in the future. I could tell it was the future because everything outside the store was made out of metal and was very dirty but everything inside the store was made of plastic and was very clean. In this future (where, apparently, I am still working at Woolworths) the job of scanning groceries has not been taken over by robots or by super-smart microchips. No, the job is exactly the same. In fact, even the computers haven't changed. Apparently my subconscious sees the new Woolies registers as being as far as technology will take us.

In fact, the only difference between Woolies of 2020 and that of 2006 is that in 2020 it has been taken over by the Mormons. Oh, and I haven't aged.

So anyway, I'm scanning away when suddenly there is an error in the computer:

I look at this screen and blink. I'm rather puzzled at first and click the 'No' button thinking that, because I'm a Christain I don't want to talk to the Mormon church and besides, what would the Mormon church know about fixing the computer?. I click 'No' with my finger (they have touch screens) and everything goes fine for a few items. Then the computer beeps and the error message comes up again. I think I know how to beat it and click the 'No' button again but this time it doesn't take no for an answer. It keeps beeping at me and I keep pressing 'No' for at least a minute.

Pretty soon the customer asks me why I'm not scanning groceries like I'm supposed to and I tell them about the message. But they don't believe me about the message. They say that it is ridiculous and that I am trying to trick them. I give up trying to convince the customer of my trouble and recommence clicking 'No' over and over again. The customer starts to get mad at me and begins talking non-stop, their voice growing louder and Louder and LOUDER! Of course, by this time I'm getting pretty stressed out and am very upset that the computer obviously thinks that I'd be better off going to a Latter-Day Saints church instead of the one I normally attend.

It's all getting pretty chaotic and my supervisor comes up to me and starts yelling at me because I have a huge line of customers and they are all yelling and shouting that I'm the worst checkout operator they've ever had and that I should be fired. Then my supervisor (bless her) starts defending me, saying that I'm not all that bad really and that they should give me a chance. They say they've been giving me chances for the past hour. So then she starts yelling at me again. You could say that by this time I'm more than stressed out and finally click the 'Yes' button.

Suddenly a veritable flood of Mormons come streaming through the door in their white shirts and black pants and their black name-badges and ties. All the Mormons start yelling at me too telling me that I should convert to Mormonism and get baptized on behalf of all my ancestors. I'm surrounded by customers, supervisors and Mormons all yelling at me to do this or that or whatever and by this time I'm set to cry.

I yell out "SSSSTTTTTTOOOOOPPPP!" and everybody stops yelling. Then for good measure I yell "SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!" just because I don't get to yell at people very often and it feels pretty good. I then tell off everyone for being so mean. I say that I've had enough of this and that it's about time that I didn't have to put up with it anymore and that I'm quitting right this minute. I then take off my apron, (goodness knows where I got an apron from, I've never worn one in my life except for in Home Econonics when we cooked stuff) I screw it up in my hands and throw it to the floor. I yell "AAAAH!" at them and walk out the door.

It was the most liberating feeling I've every experienced in or outside a dream. And that includes finishing school.

As I walk outside the sun is shining on the dirty metal of the outside and I'm happier than I've ever been. I walk with a skip in my step and sing a little song. I wonder how I'm going to survive without my next pay. I start looking for another job.

Fillet

Fragments of My Dream

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 06:00:54 GMT

I had a dream a couple of nights ago that I beat up this man with a plank of wood left over from somebody building a balustrade or a bookshelf. I beat him up pretty solidly, even though he had a long, long pice of dowel that he kept poking me with. He poked me alot with that dowel, that is until I snatched it off him and swung it at him. I missed though and I dropped it so I just kept on beating him with the plank.

There was not so much blood in the dream but there was lots of pain. The blood here represents pain.

After I beat him up with the plank I went to go and do something else. In the end the guy I beat up came back as a Pokemon of some kind and I had to race him down a slippery slide while a box-shaped Pikachu kept zapping me. I thought I could beat it by turning it on its side where its feet couldn't reach the ground but it used its tail to get up again and then he gave the beaten up guy a head start on me. I don't know who won because I woke up before the dream ended but I remember getting a bad feeling about there being an evil Pikachu. He was the good guy in the cartoons.

Because there are no pictures of a box-shaped Pikachu on Google, I drew one myself. The only difference between this one and the one in my dreams is that the box Pickachu in my dream had rivets in it even though it was very fleshy and furry when I pushed it over.

The evil, box-shaped Pikachu

There was another dream I had this morning but then I forgot it. Sorry guys. But it was nowhere near as violent or filled with children's video-game creatures as the one I did remember.

Oh yeah, and I didn't properly finish the last entry, You're Not People! so I've gone back and added the photo I had meant to add plus I've put the remainder of the text I was supposed to write in a comment that I wrote yesterday. I hope that doesn't confuse you guys too much.

Fillet

**UPDATE**

I was looking at my box-shaped Pikachu and thought that it looked a little bit retarded for some reason or another (besides the freaking obvious, geez!) and realised that it didn't have a nose and that the tail wasn't outlined. This has now been rectified. That is all.

A Strange and Funny Dream

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 11:32:10 GMT

I have had three dreams over the past little while. Usually I don't remember my dreams and even if I do they are oddly disjointed affairs where the usual laws of society go out the window. Who wouldn't find a bed in the middle of the road and decide to go to sleep in it? Who wouldn't find that they are in fact a spy and need to infiltrate the train at Robina train station for no apparant reason? Me that's who. But only when I'm sleeping.

Dream 1

Open with me at the train station. I am in navy blue army clothes and am crouching on the wrong side of that Yellow line you aren't supposed to be on the wrong side of. The train comes in at a million miles an hour and I deftly latch onto the last carrage. But this isn't the train I'm supposed to infiltrate. I don't know which one I actually am supposed to infiltrate yet either but I figure that I'll figure it out soon enough. I walk through the carrages like a normal person. In fact I think my clothes have changed to reflect this. The train stops and I feel compelled to exit at this station. It is nighttime. I walk a short distance to another train station absurdly not connected to this one and crouch at the end of the line. I don't know why I couldn't have just boarded the first train like a normal person. I suppose it was more exciting that way.

As I crouch there at the end of the line someone taps me on the shoulder. It is Hendra. He tells me that he's going to move back to the Gold Coast. I'm happy but confused. He says his parents are trying to kill him. He sneaks off so that he can hide from them. I don't seem to be too concerned for the safety of my friend and wait for this other train. I'm back in my army gear. Eventually the train comes and I hop on. My Business Communication Technologies teacher from Highschool is there. I wonder what she's doing on the train I'm supposed to infiltrate when suddenly all her students appear. She greets me excitedly and asks me why I have a funny bit of hair sticking out of my scalp at a funny angle to the rest of my hair. I explain to her that I got it stuck in an old-fashioned washing machine which pulled it out and now it's growing back curly (this is a story that she told us in class which actually happened to her). I don't recall having a curly bit of hair on my head before I met her.

The train stops and she looks mildly excited and tells me that it's time to get off the train. I get off, forgetting that I'm supposed to be infiltrating the train and there is a house a little way down the hill. There are lots of cars parked everywhere and there is a big tree with an unsafe looking ride resembling the Giant Drop from Dreamworld stuck to the side. It is powered by a shiny lawn mower motor. It goes up and gets stuck halfway down again and a number of people scurry around helping its passenger down. After he's safe everyone cheers and lines up for a go. I walk past into the house where there appears to be a media scrum. I walk in and am welcomed inside by a very familar looking woman. She askes me if I'd like a drink. I say water. I walk over to the ironing board where John Howard is standing.

Good grief! It's John Howard's house! Some people are asking Mr Howard some questions which I now forget but at the time I thought they were very clever. The lady, John's wife, Janet gives me the glass of water and I set it down on the bench so I can listen to the journalists grilling her husband some more. At one point I get talking to Mr Howard and he seems very nice but I don't particularly trust him because I know he's a politician and I know that it's his job to be nice to people. That's my job too.

But then disaster. I knock over the glass of water and John Howard gets mad at me for coming into his house and disrespecting it by spilling water everywhere. I apoligise profusely but he just keeps on yelling. His children appear to come and save the day and spirit me away. His son then asks me if I want to have a go on the ride outside. I look at him sceptically and say 'no' in a very condecending tone. I go back to John Howard to get yelled at some more.

Dream 2

I am in Buckingham Palace at the behest of HRH Elizabeth the Queen. I feel very special but I don't actually know what I'm there for. For some reason the Queen takes a liking to me and I follow her around all the time talking to her and answering questions for her. I'm there for a long time, I must be employed by her or something. In that time she tells me more and more about herself. She's actually an enthusiastic home movie maker don't you know? (Actually this is true, she made alot of her kids and they've only been released now, who knows if she's still going?)

Eventually I get to the stage that I am bored. I take to wandering around the grounds at night feeling very sad that I'm not in Australia when I find something so scary it's comical. Butting up against the palace is a celebrity mansion of sombody or other. Ozzy Osbourne or someone. And there, peeping through the hedge into the house on the other side is none other than the Queen herself. She is wearing one of her splendid dresses and a tiara just as if she is about to appear in front of a host of dinner guests. I don't actually let her know I saw her but the next night I go and check the spot while she's not there. She has quite a view from that vantage point let me tell you. I decide to stay at the palace to see how this all pans out.

Eventually the Queen tells me on her own volition about the peeping on Ozzy next door. I politely nod my head like I do and give her my very best noncommital 'hmms' that I can muster. She then takes me to the spot that night and we have a picnic there. I then leave the palace but decide not to sell my story to the media because the Queen is an old woman of 80 now and you have to have respect for old people.

Dream 3

I am in a smallish seaside town which is very serene. My Mum tells me to meet her at the Mission Australia where she works (but she doesn't work there anymore... oh well) but I can't because I don't have my driver's licence. I ask her what I should to and she says to ring some friends on my mobile to get them to drive me. Nobody does because it will use up too much petrol. I start walking.

I don't mind the whole walking business because the breeze is cool and the air is salty. And the strangers are friendly. One in particular is very friendly and seems to think he knows me. I squint at him for longer than is socially acceptable but nobody actually notices. Who is this bearded man? And then it hits me, it's Peri, the friend I've never met. And he has a car. It's a vintage model thing full of class. I know he used to have such a vehicle but I also know that by now it's well and truely sold. But he drives me to my Mum's work anyway where I'm supposed to do stuff. I get there and walk in where she tells me to get out because I'm not dressed properly. I ask her what I'm supposed to be dressed in and she throws some clothes at me. I ask where the bathrooms are but she tells me that I'm not allowed to use them and that I'll have to go outside and find somewhere.

I go outside and Peri is still there sitting in his car like he has nothing better to do. I guess he was listening to the radio or something. I get in and we start driving until I see a bed just a little bit down the road. I say thinkyou to Peri for driving me there and I get out and hide under the sheets with the idea that I can get dressed under them without anyone seeing. But as soon as I get into the bed I feel incredibly sleepy and begin to drop off into sleep. No sooner am I asleep when a number of nondescript friends start harrassing me for some reason. I tell them to go away, I'm sleeping but they just won't listen. They keep shaking me and asking me questions until I sit up and answer each one. Then I lie back down and fall asleep again and this time I'm actually asleep. When this happens I actually wake up in real life.

Conclusion

These dreams are very strange in that I actually remember what happened in most of them. I know that in the last two there's a heap of stuff that I've dreamt but can't remember anymore but what I remember is the main thrust of the storyline. They say that dreams compile all your experiences from your life and in a way I can see how that happens. Each event in each of those dreams actually has some basis in my life although some are very tedious associations with things (for example, I saw a documentry about the Queen, that whole dream was probably some reflection on that. But I also wish to do a stint in the UK for a while wich might tie into that as well). My point? I haven't the foggyest. But I hope you enjoyed them.